rest sweetly now, layla

our lives changed forever on december 1.

it has taken me three weeks to even think about writing about this. as most of you already know, our sweet layla passed away.

it is difficult to describe the emotions that come with making a life ending medical decision for an animal you have shared your life with for 12 years.

heart broken.

we knew it was the best thing to do for her. based on the condition of her rapidly deteriorating legs, the vet determined she probably had a nerve and/or bone cancer. she was surprised layla's shoulder had not popped out of its socket yet.

there was nothing for us to do to save her.

it was only going to get worse.

she was living [and dying] in pain.

the hardest part about losing a pet is that they have become a part of your family. they are a part of your life. you have come to love and cherish them. you plan vacations around them [or including] them. they are a part of your day. you teach them things as they teach you things. you snuggle and play together. they make you happy.

animals teach us [or remind us] of compassion. loyalty. LOVE. wanting to please. happiness. pure joy. running and playing JUST BECAUSE. how to properly greet someone [slopping wet kisses, of course]. comfort. LOVE.

layla was all of these things. and so much more. she and i have lived in countless homes [eight...i think], been on even more trips and car rides. she's had many doggie friends [and doggie non-friends]. she was a prissy lady who was in charge. she was obedient, yet stubborn. she never met a human she didn't like [after all, they were going to love on her and give her pets - her all time favorite]. she was easily excited and always in the mix.

she shared everything with us. laughter. tears. joy. sickness. successes. loss. struggles. celebrations. she was there for it all. she was always by our side. she supported us as much as we did for her.

stanley laying with layla when she was really sick. what sweetness.

the more pets we have, the more i have learned that they just want to love and be loved.
and it hurts my heart that i can't love on her. ever again.

as much as it hurts every bit of my heart to lose my girl, sharing her life, well, i wouldn't trade it for anything.

12 years. so much happens in 12 years. i am so lucky to have had layla during such a challenging, chaotic and wonderful time in my life.
often times she was the only thing that was consistent. her loyalty and compassion never wavered. no matter what i was going through. she saw some pretty rough and dark days. she was always my shining light.

she was always there. to love. and be loved.

love your animals and your humans. i had 12 amazing years with my sweet dog. but often times we aren't granted so much time. we are never promised tomorrow. so hug your family and friends, sweetly squish your pets, and let them all that you love them.

because they love you too. as do i. thank you all for your love, support and compassion now and always. we can't thank you enough for being the amazing people that you are.


perhaps this wasn't the best pre-christmas post ever, but it was time for me to get out of my heart and head and down on "paper".


lots and lots and lot of love to you all.

happy holidays and merry christmas to everyone!

xoxo,
ks

3 years later

to my sweet love,

three years have gone by. time flies when memories are being made and life is being lived. three years ago today we vowed to commit our lives to each other. to share our lives together. our marriage has been nothing short of that. words will never be able to express my love, passion, and commitment for you. you are my everything. you are my best friend and my favorite person.

i love our love.

i love the ridiculousness. i love the struggles. i love our deep conversations. i love our stupid jokes that no one else understands. i love our constant support of each others dreams and ambitions [even if they seem too lofty]. i love the zoo that lives with us. i love our constant need for travel. i love our hand holding and snuggles. i love all the "i love yous". i growing with you. i love every single bit of us.

i love our love.

[because, lets face it, me and you together is pretty damn awesome. ;) ]

our life, our journey and our adventure has been extraordinary. you make it all worth the while. i am so lucky to have you standing by my side each day as we conquer and cherish this life....together.

i love you so very much.

always and forever.


xoxoxo,
ks

sealing the deal ;)

LOVE is a miracle.

i've said it before. and i'll say it again. i don't write about love a lot. however, it is valentine's day. it almost seems fitting. yet, keith and i aren't' big into valentine's day. it's not really "our" day. our days to celebrate love are everyday and of course, our anniversary. we really love our anniversary. our anniversary is so special because our wedding day was so special [but that is a another blog for another day].

ahhh...love.

this valentine's day got me thinking of how people end up together. how we "choose" our life partner. it really is a mind-blowing feat, if you sit down to think about it. let's look at keith and i, for example...shall we :)

it's really difficult to articulate our life stories without it sounding boring or like a resume. i guess what is so amazing to me is how people meet. keith and i met during one summer [2005] at work. big deal, right? people meet at work [or school] all the time. but what even got us to that point? we had 20+ years of planning to get us there. we had boyfriends/girlfriends. high school. sports. jobs. moving. LIFE.

and even then, once we met, it still wasn't the right time for us.

it took yet another small miracle for us to get together.

after that summer ended, and we went our separate ways and onto the fall semester. during the fall, one day at work, i found all the summer staffs' contact information and keith's name was on it. i remembered how nice and sweet he was so, i thought it would be a good idea to contact him. after that, we spoke sporadically. we didn't actually see each other until december 2005, our first date. and even then, we only went out on a 'date' because keith couldn't make it a few nights prior for my birthday outing.

and we've been inseparable ever since.

can you imagine how different things might be if one of those events had turned out slightly differently?

why do things work out the way that they do?
because that's they way they are meant to be.

what about your love story? think about how you found your life partner and just how miraculous it is. so much happens in our life. nothing is left to chance. we meet amazing people every day for so many reasons. to teach us lessons. to be mentors. to be new friends. to be confidants. to be drinking buddies. there are so many reasons we meet new people.
the person you have chosen to share this life with, it truly was back breaking work for you two to find each other. so hold them tightly, tell them you love them and appreciate them; and are so lucky to have them as a part of your life.

i truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. including love.
and my love is nothing short of a miracle.

enjoy your valentine's day!!

xoxo,
ks

BIRTHDAY!!

december 12th is a very special day.

it is my sweetie's birthday.

when keith and i started dating, we quickly realized that our birthdays are only 3 days apart [mine is the 15th]. this is one of the many ways that we know we are meant for each other.
every year we get to celebrate OUR birthdays together. because they are only 3 days apart. so, really we have no other choice. our birthdays are very special to us, yet never really a big deal.

this year, i would like to share this blog with you about the amazing man i am lucky enough to spend my days with. december 12th is his special day. and i am so grateful that i get to share it with him.

keith is kind. compassionate. caring. loud. silly. selfless. motivated. successful. loving. committed. wonderful. comforting. protector. guardian. the love of my life.

keith and i have been together for eight years. and from our first date i knew he was the guy i was going to marry. how many people get to experience that kind of love?

we have been on wild and crazy adventures [our hockeymoon. a trip to the DR. graduate school. countless trips to OBX. and we've moved so many times i have lost count on purpose]. our life together is an adventure. we thrive on finding our next adventure, no matter how big or how small. we love living out our adventures together.

we are beyond ridiculous and silly together. if you have spend any amount of time with us, you know this. we laugh at things that aren't worth laughing at. we find humor in the small stuff. we make absurd jokes. basically, we just have fun. it definitely makes life better. and our life together is worlds better when we are laughing together [this also usually means i am crying and my abs hurt].

we have been on many roller-coasters together. life isn't always wonderful and smiles. life gets tough sometimes. jobs change. medical conditions can be a bitch. money is never enough. but at the end of the day, we are together 100%. we are in this journey together, no matter what the weather. 

our love is serious. seriously. we seriously love each other. we are committed to each other. to our dreams. to our successes. to our health. to our tribulations. to our feelings. to our good times. to our bad times. our love is the real deal.

there is no other person i would want to share this life with. i am so lucky to be your wife, your partner, and your companion. to walk through this life, by your side, hand-in-hand. [ok, but let's be serious, we are probably running through this life, not walking. perhaps we should try to slow down?]

i cannot tell you how grateful and thankful i am for you. for your unconditional love. you brighten my days and make every day a better one.

happy birthday my sweet love. i am so excited to share your day with you!! 

love you,
ks

sunday thoughts

just some of my thoughts on this sunday...


smartphones annoy me. don't get me wrong i love my iPhone with the rest of you, but what annoys me with smartphones is how they have amplified our need for instant gratification. during conversation with people we often struggle with remembering basic facts or making a decision (restaurants, purchases); or we feel compelled to share a video we watched five minutes earlier.
no problem, i have a smartphone. google can help me with all of those problems. and also while my smartphone is helping me remember who the 37th president was, it also has now stifled the conversation we were having about nixon. because i can't possibly look up information on my phone and pay attention to you anymore. basically the smartphone allows me to politely say "go fuck yourself" or "i'm done talking to you" without actually having to say anything. smartphones allow us to be rude. and most of the time without realizing it. we just stop talking to "google" something. or turn on an obnoxious video of a dancing cat that has now disrupted the entire coffee shop.
thank you smartphone.

••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• --- ••• ---

work is a part of life. work is a huge part of life. we must work to live. it is how we earn money. we must have money to survive. in my 15+ years of working, what i have yet to understand is why people continue to work in a job they hate/are no good at.
i understand there may be times in your life where money is more important than meaning or happiness at work. sometimes we have to work to live and that doesn't necessary include doing what we love. however, it can't be that way all the time. i could never imagine having a job that i hated. or even a job that i didn't like. if you are going to devote your time to something, shouldn't you enjoy doing it? and if you are going to devote your time to something 20-40 hours/week, shouldn't you utilize the skills/degrees/education/experiences/passions you have? if you are going to commit to allowing someone to pay you for your service, shouldn't you be good at it? and shouldn't it be something you enjoy doing?
because if you love going to work everyday, don't you think you'd enjoy it more and do a wayyyyy better job at it than if you HATED it?
could you imagine having a job where you are always searching for friday?
i would loathe that.
i am passionate about many things. and i want to spend my life doing them. i don't want to waste my time (or someone else's money) doing something i don't love.
what a waste of this life.


xoxo,
ks

unconstitutional.

i am going to start this blog by stating that i will probably say some things some people won't like and i may curse, but i will try my hardest to remain objective. however at this time, i still have freedom of speech. so i am going to use it.

i am hot. red hot.

why?

because i am disgusted and disappointed in the state that i live in.

amendment one passed today. banning marriage rights from homosexuals in NC. this also impacts civil unions between same-sex couples and straight couples. meaning, it's gone.

let me tell you the story of two high school sweethearts. you know how it goes: they meet and fall in love. no one ever thought their love would stand the test of time, which we all know is high school and college. those years of raging hormones. then one day this sweet couple decides "let's get married!!"

OH WAIT. we can't. but "i love you...and you love me...so let's get married and commit our lives to each other!"

OH WAIT. we can't. but "i love you and want you to be protected just in case anything ever happens to me."

OH WAIT. we fucking can't. sorry, sorry, that isn't very objective. but that is how i would feel if i couldn't marry the person i loved most in the world. how would you feel if that RIGHT was taken away from you?

hot. red hot.

these are my thoughts on love and marriage:

last time i checked, in regards to love, you don't choose who you fall in love with. our societal "norms" have defined A LOT of who we are supposed to fall in love with for us: man and woman relationships, some one kind, some one in our social class, some one with money, blah, blah, BLAH.
but, sometimes, people break out of social norms and fall in love with an unexpected gem. someone they never thought they'd love. someone who is, in fact, soooo perfect for them.

but because they don't "fit the societal mold"....no marriage for you.

since when did the government make it's rules based on religion? marriage isn't about god or the bible or whatever religion you have faith in. marriage can be. however, in order to be legally marriage you and your partner have to have a legal ceremony performed by someone who is legally allowed to do so. and guess what? judges and magistrates and perform marriage ceremonies too. and i guarantee you ceremonies performed by them have NOTHING to do with religion.
i have a perfect example: keith and i are legally married. and there was nothing religious about our ceremony and nothing religious about our marriage. but yet, we are married. anyone gonna take that away? NOPE. would i be devastated if they could? you bet your fucking ass i would. and i would fight like hell to get it back.

and even if this issue isn't about religion, but more about "the gays". SO FUCKING WHAT? do they deserve any less human rights than a straight person? if so, why? tell me why. are they less of a person because they are gay? NO. that is the only answer to that question.

america was founded on freedom. freedom of religion, actually. this law looks a lot like christian doctrine, but whatever. having christianity in state law isn't very "freedom of religion" if you ask me.
so, if our country is based on freedom, shouldn't the basic freedom we all have be human rights? and if one group/race/ethnicity is granted a right to something, shouldn't everyone be?

why do we continue to breed hatred and discrimination? our country has been a melting pot of races/groups/ethnicities since it's very beginning. it is completely mind blowing that after 236 years we still teach each other to hate those who are different than us. OF COURSE WE ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. why can't we use those differences to learn from each other. to grow and to teach each other tolerance and acceptance of others?

differences are what make america so freaking amazing. that is why people wanted to come here: freedom and a chance at success.
guess what? at the rate we are going, people are going to stop coming. and i just might follow them on their way out. 

LOVE. it is what is. no matter who it is.

xoxo,
ks

our fire keeps on growing.

keith and i have been together for 5 years. 5 amazing, wonderful years.

what takes my breath away is our constant passion for each other. sure there are days when i just wish that he would leave me alone. you know those days, when work/school has been hell. and all you want to do is curl up in your bed and have the world stop bothering you. well, that includes your fiance/husband/significant other too.

but most days, i absolutely love having him by my side. he makes me laugh until i cry. he comforts me. he makes me feel beautiful...when i am wearing a hoodie and my hair is a wreck. our passion hasn't faultered from when we first started dating. you know what i am talking about...that new, fresh relationship heat and fire.
somedays that is exactly how we behave, like we just started seeing each other. we are so excited by each other. perhaps it is the pre-wedding excitement. but i tend to think it's just the way we are.

i know you go through those days where you think "gosh, i don't think i could possibly love him any more." and then you wonder where all of these gushing feelings came from. because you love your boyfriend/husband everyday, but why does today feel different? why does today feel better? more exciting? more amazing?

that is how i am feeling now. and have been. when keith isn't around, i miss him. i seriously miss him. and can't wait for him to get home. so that we can do things together. he amazes me everyday with the passionate, caring, and loving man that he is.

we are getting married in less than FOUR months. and my heart can't wait to start our life and continue this awesome journey that we have been on. i truly have found the love of my life. ♥ :)