black wedding day

the grim reaper has struck again.
i make a joke in poor taste for two reasons: one, i don't know what else to do with myself at this point. two, my friend from high school who was riding in a car, hit, ejected from said car, then run over, had a pretty awesome sense of humor. and he would find my sick joke hilarious.

so there you have it. death. again. in my life. this time it is wayyyy to close to home. a friend i grew up with, killed. on his wedding day. he was going to brunch with his groomsmen, all of whom i also grew up with. accident site: i've driven by it a thousand times. and i'll probably drive by it a thousand more.

i have so many thoughts. emotions. concerns. desires. that i don't know where to start or what to do with them all.

first question: why? why chris? why his wedding day? this was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. for him. his future wife. and all of their friends and family.
instead, a day of mourning.

the car chris was in was struck by a person who carelessly ran a red light. just in raleigh alone, there were 3 other accident deaths on saturday caused in similar fashion: carelessness.
this spiraled me into how we, as Americas, are so fucking selfish. we think about ourselves. and that's it. what we need. what we want. with no concern for others and the other lives we impact.
instead, we ought to slow down. pay attention to the things we do. and think about other people around us. think about how our choices and decisions will effect the lives of other human beings. this world was not founded on and does not function on one person alone. we impact each other constantly. so we should be more aware our actions.

my heart is heavy. i feel like a thousand pounds of bricks are inside of my chest.  there is so much negativity in this world. people die. i know it is a fact of life. but if we'd just take the time to care about the people we share this world with, there would be less deaths. we'd know our neighbors. we wouldn't speed. or drive drunk. or litter. or vandalize property. we wouldn't fight each because we are different.
we wouldn't do these things because we would understand the ramifications of these actions. we would know that someone would get hurt. and that would be enough for us NOT to do harmful things.

instead of going through life only concerned about ourselves.

and i keep searching for the good in this. well, i am still looking. because what is the point of cutting a great life short? a great friend of mine says bad things happen to good people because of karma. because they are strong enough to handle it. they can find the positive in the situation. or they will come out stronger. and better. they will make this world a greater place because of the adversity they had to go through. karma knows you can handle anything. and will do good with it. so she'll let you.
i still feel that is a sick way of going about things. but i get it. because some people wouldn't be able to make good out of adversity.

perhaps i need to stop focusing on me. and get out into this world. and put my positive impact on it.


and like i always say: life is too fucking short. enjoy every moment you get. with the people you love. because you aren't promised tomorrow.