i really thought about not sharing this blog with you guys. it is deeply personal and the issue hits home. it is important to me, and this is also very emotionally charged about current social issues. so, with that said, reader, beware!
have you guys ever heard of my drunk kitchen? you haven't?! well you should stop reading this and go watch an episode. or 10. go on. GO. i'll wait.
so. how was it? i mean, other than amazing, of course.
creator of my drunk kitchen, hannah hart, has grown into this huge
internet community. she does weekly videos that include advice, music,
book clubs, traveling, among other things. she also has another youtube channel, yourharto,
which is much more personal. on this channel she has an entire series
about her coming out story. it was so moving i watched all 6 videos in
each person's coming out story is deeply personal. it
is a struggle between your current reality and what you actually want
your life to be. there were a couple of things she said that almost
moved me to tears. what i want to focus on today is when she decided to come out to her family.
so, hannah had finally decided to come out to her
family. but what you must know is that her parents are very religious.
so when she came out to her dad, this was his response: within his religious
belief, her dad believes that sexuality is a part of your make up.
however, it is your choice whether or not you choose to act on it. so
basically he told her that she could choose to never let herself fall in
love because she is wired wrong.
"no one is wired wrong."
i just rewatched that video and i am just as stunned as i was the first time. i am truly at a loss for words. [it is the CH. 5 video of the coming out series. at the 3-min mark is where she talks about her dad.]
ok...here we go.
when two people [or sometimes just one] have a child, it is out of
desire. a child is wanted and is something, as parents, you created. you nurture this baby and care for it. deciding to become a parent is a BIG
deal. even if the baby was a "whoopsie", and you are unsure about having
a child, there is time to make decisions about keeping the baby or
allowing another family to love and raise the child.
so. you have
decided to have a child. you love your child. you raise it. provide for
it. teach them. and all the while, you learn that having a kid is hard. they
do amazing things, but they also do things that anger you. frustrate
you. disappoint you. hurt you.
you realize that your baby, your
child, has developed their own ideals. morals. their own way of life.
and some of those things are the same as yours, but some are very
no matter what you have gone through with your child,
they are still your child. and you still love them. the love for a child
is the purest, most unconditional love there is.
this is why i
simply cannot understand why parents are so willing to abandon, disown
and write-off their own children because they are gay. your child has
always been gay. they simply did not realize it until a certain point in
their life because the way our society is. just like heterosexuals have
always been straight. it is just an easier process for them to figure out
because it is "mainstream".
we are who we are. and we love who we love.
hurts every bit of my heart to hear about parents walking out on their
children. because they are gay. because they have figured out a huge
piece of their identity. simply because it is different from the "norm" and doesn't
fit "religious beliefs". if you can't accept every piece of your child -
good, bad, straight, gay - then don't have a kid.
kids are messy.
kids are difficult. you never know what they are going to throw at you.
as a parent, you must think of every possible thing that could happen:
diseases, developmental disorders, drug abuse, being an asshole, running
away, being an exceptional athlete, academically gifted, being in a
band, involvement with gangs, anything!
never say,"that won't
happen to my kid." you never know. you must be ready for all life will
hand you. if you can't handle it and be supportive of the LIFE YOU
CREATED, then don't create one.
it is ok if your child's identity is different from yours. it is alright if your lifestyle doesn't mesh with theirs. you don't have to agree with every
decision your kid will make. just be there and be supportive. as a parent should be.
walking away is the absolute worst thing you could do. you signed up to love them forever, no matter what. love doesn't always equal agreement, but it does equal support, caring, and commitment.