Wednesday, April 28, 2010

STRESS!!!! is not for me.

i sit here. annoyed. and i am trying to figure out the best possible way to write how i feel in the nicest way possible. now, i know, i typically don't sugercoat my feelings or thoughts, but in this instance, i feel that if i don't tame my raw emotions, than what i have to say will be taken the wrong way.

ok. deep breath.

its finals week. people are stressed. who wouldn't be, right? well, i'm not, for one. i have one take home final that separates me from summer vacation. nooooo stress here. plus, i don't get stressed out easily. also, when i am stressed i find that it isn't fair to take it out on those around me, because typically they are not the ones who caused my stress. you know who causes your stress? YOU. most of the time. think about it......

anyway, moving on.

so. i am sensitive to other who are more high strung and more prone to getting stressed out. easy solution, avoid these people during finals. then go out for celebratory beers after its all said and done.
that method is difficult to do when one such high stress person lives with you.

see where i am going with this?

now, my darling is a very anxious person, if you know him at all, even a little bit, you know this much about him. it's not a huge deal. we all love him just the same. however, during test weeks and finals he is a bear. he is 100% consumed with his schoolwork. i guess he could be praised for such dedication. however, if the house was on fire, he'd probably rescue his books first, then me and the 4 other living creatures in the house.

and perhaps i am selfish wanting to steal five minutes, ok ten minutes, of his time to provide him comfort and support and to also see how his day was, while at the same time say goodnight.
then i get upset because i only get three preoccupied minutes of him checking emails and texting classmates while our conversation is centered around the upcoming test.
all i wanted was five minutes of time for "us". so, then of course my feelings get hurt because i am pushed to the side. much like i have been for a week now. and then it's like he doesn't understand why.
he acts like i don't know that he is stressed out. oh believe me, i know.
then he deflects it all back to me. like i was being crazy for wanting any attention at all.


so, all the while, i sit here thinking.....ohhh fuck it.
next time finals come around, i think i will take a vacation. anyone up for a tropical vacation, say early december?!

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